Monday, October 30, 2017

A Cat Named Bentley



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Meet Bentley.
Bentley is a British Short Hair + Scottish Fold Mix. I got him on my Birthday this year , and for every year of my birthday , I will remember him forever. He is the sweetest little boy ever and unfortunately on the 22nd of September , he crossed over the Rainbow Bridge due to FIP ( Feline Infectious Peritonitis ).

For every cat lovers , FIP is a nightmare. FIP is an incurable , fatal disease that affects cats. There is only 5-10 % of chances in getting FIP , and unfortunately for my boy he was diagnosed with it on August 2nd. At that time , he was only with me for only 2 months. FIP is basically a death sentence , most cats only can survive for weeks till a month.My Bentley lasted for almost two months.


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Bentley had a fever that didn't go away for two weeks. I brought him to three vets because I was so worried. Soon he was losing weight and his stomach was getting bigger so my vet suspect that it's FIP. One of the symptoms of FIP is that the stomach will grow bigger . Fluid accumulates in the abdomen , eventually so big that it would cause breathing difficulties for him. 

When his fever became worse , I brought him for a blood test and to my worst nightmare : He is tested positive for FIP. Deep in my heart I knew it was FIP. The night before I googled all his symptoms and the word FIP keeps showing up. I was really heartbroken.

6 years ago , I had a cat Twurdie who also passed due to FIP. Back then I was young and I didn't know much about it or how to help her. I couldn't imagine that 6 years after , I would be faced with this kind of heartbreak again. FIP is very common among cats in shelters or cattery where there are many cats living together. Twurdie was adopted from a local shelter and Bentley was from a cattery.



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Bentley is a dream come true.
He talks a lot , very affectionate and he sleeps with me whenever I'm around in KL.
Knowing that he wouldn't live long makes me really sad.
My poor baby , I thought that you , BabyG and I could live a good 10-15 years together.

Imagine living everyday , seeing someone you love slowly becomes weaker and weaker . I tried to be positive , thinking maybe miracle could save him. Though the vet said that wet form of FIP usually die even faster , my Bentley lived for almost two months. He passed a day before I have to attend an event in KL.

Through this two months , life was difficult for me. 
My job requires me to bring joy to others but deep inside me I was so broken , so sad.
But my work must go on.


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For people who doesn't raise pets on their own , they might not understand my feelings.
Especially for me who doesn't have a family , my cats are my everything : They are my family. 

The day that I got him I was so happy. I had so many plans together , so happy that my BabyG has a new friend and they are getting along so well together. BabyG love him very much too , she lets him eat from her bowl and they would play together and sleep together. They are so cute together.

What I couldn't understand is that why am I so unlucky. 5-10 % chances of FIP , and of all cats in the cattery my Bentley got it. Is it God's Will to test me ? I just wanted my cats to live a long , happy and healthy life , that's all.


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I have people telling me it's just a cat.
Just get another cat.
He was only with you for 3 months , it wasn't that long !!

It's true that it's not long.
I know that it probably hurt even more for those who had their pets for 15 years or more.
I'm just sad that why he has to be taken away from me so soon.
To have a disease that can't be cured even if I have money I couldn't help him.


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In his last two months , his health slowly deteriorate : from the fluffy round face that I loved so much to a skinny boy with stomach that gets bigger and bigger everyday. He could no longer do the things he love , like going upstairs to sleep on my bed with me. He couldn't play his favorite toys because he has no energy and also can't eat his favorite food even if he wanted to.

My vet has really long waiting time. Sometimes I waited for 4 hours to see my vet because they have a lot of patients. Every time I go there I would cry while waiting because I feel sorry for my boy , he is so sick and I just couldn't hold back my tears thinking one day he would be gone.

There was a time when the vet says that he only had a week more to live based on his condition , that I need to be prepared for that day to come. He also told me that I probably should consider euthanasia ( putting him to sleep with injection ) if he suffers too much. 


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I was really selfish.
I asked the vet how do I know if it's time ? Time to put his suffering to an end.
My vet says , " You will know. He is your cat, you will know if it's time to make that decision. Don't let him suffer . "

I told myself ,if one day he stopped looking for me for affection , I would let him go.
Till the very last day , he still came to me for affection. I even slept on the floor for his last two weeks just so he could see me , at least he wasn't alone at night.

In the end , I didn't choose euthanasia.
I read countless forums / blogs of pet owners , looking for opinions on euthanasia vs natural death. I just didn't want my Bentley to go on a cold table in a vet's office. I'm afraid to end his life too early , maybe he would have wanted to live longer ? I don't know. Times like this I wish that pets could talk. So that he can tell me , is he tired of fighting already ?

My vet told me that I did a great job in keeping him alive for so long.
Normal cats would have died within weeks to a month.
Bentley had a good 2 months at least , he said.


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I even tried contacting a Pet Whisperer. ( someone who can talk to pets )
Unfortunately she didn't reply me when she asked me if I could type in Chinese . ( which I couldn't , I mean I can only speak not read or write.)

I was that desperate to find answers for my Bentley.
At that moment , I really wanted to know if he still wants to live or not.

On Sept 22 , Bentley passed at 3.30 am. 
I cried so much , but relieved that he was no longer in pain. Though I tried my best not to cry in front of him since the day he was diagnosed , I failed.  How much I wanted to be strong for him I couldn't and I'm sorry for burdening him with my negative feelings. 

I love you so much , my dear Bentley.
Hopefully one day when my time comes , we would be reunited again.
Please don't forget your crybaby owner.

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Bentley didn't live a long life , but I've never regretted having him in my life.
At least we had a short , good time together.
It's a month after he passed , sometimes when I look at his photos I would cry like a little shit. I still tear up thinking about him , watching videos of him and reminiscing our happy moments.

I am thankful for all the support that I got in these few months , whether during events or online. Attending events takes my mind of things , and when I am busy I don't think so much about my sadness.  I could get through this difficult time because of your loving support. Special thanks to my Destiny 2 family and for those who watched my gaming streams ,you guys helped me lots ! 

Thank you my friends who sent me messages of encouragement.
I'm really grateful.


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Bentley.
I'm sorry that I didn't have time to mourn for you.
Today , I finally have the time to cry for you one last time while writing this down.
I really wished that we could have more time together , I hope that I can see you have kittens and we could live long happy years together with BabyG .
I miss your fluffy cheeks , your purr , your warmth and your smell.

Thank you for being a good cat.
I'm so lucky to have you and I Love You Deep Deep.
Please watch over me and BabyG ,
I will do my best from this day onwards !!

Love,
Crybaby Mummy