A Cat Named Bentley

Meet Bentley.

Bentley is a British Short Hair + Scottish Fold Mix. I got him on my Birthday this year , and for every year of my birthday , I will remember him forever. He is the sweetest little boy ever and unfortunately on the 22nd of September , he crossed over the Rainbow Bridge due to FIP ( Feline Infectious Peritonitis ).

For every cat lovers , FIP is a nightmare. FIP is an incurable , fatal disease that affects cats. There is only 5-10 % of chances in getting FIP , and unfortunately for my boy he was diagnosed with it on August 2nd. At that time , he was only with me for only 2 months. FIP is basically a death sentence , most cats only can survive for weeks till a month.My Bentley lasted for almost two months.

Bentley had a fever that didn't go away for two weeks. I brought him to three vets because I was so worried. Soon he was losing weight and his stomach was getting bigger so my vet suspect that it's FIP. One of the symptoms of FIP is that the stomach will grow bigger . Fluid accumulates in the abdomen , eventually so big that it would cause breathing difficulties for him. 

When his fever became worse , I brought him for a blood test and to my worst nightmare : He is tested positive for FIP. Deep in my heart I knew it was FIP. The night before I googled all his symptoms and the word FIP keeps showing up. I was really heartbroken.

6 years ago , I had a cat Twurdie who also passed due to FIP. Back then I was young and I didn't know much about it or how to help her. I couldn't imagine that 6 years after , I would be faced with this kind of heartbreak again. FIP is very common among cats in shelters or cattery where there are many cats living together. Twurdie was adopted from a local shelter and Bentley was from a cattery.

Bentley is a dream come true.

He talks a lot , very affectionate and he sleeps with me whenever I'm around in KL.

Knowing that he wouldn't live long makes me really sad.

My poor baby , I thought that you , BabyG and I could live a good 10-15 years together.

Imagine living everyday , seeing someone you love slowly becomes weaker and weaker . I tried to be positive , thinking maybe miracle could save him. Though the vet said that wet form of FIP usually die even faster , my Bentley lived for almost two months. He passed a day before I have to attend an event in KL.

Through this two months , life was difficult for me. 

My job requires me to bring joy to others but deep inside me I was so broken , so sad.

But my work must go on.

For people who doesn't raise pets on their own , they might not understand my feelings.

Especially for me who doesn't have a family , my cats are my everything : They are my family. 

The day that I got him I was so happy. I had so many plans together , so happy that my BabyG has a new friend and they are getting along so well together. BabyG love him very much too , she lets him eat from her bowl and they would play together and sleep together. They are so cute together.

What I couldn't understand is that why am I so unlucky. 5-10 % chances of FIP , and of all cats in the cattery my Bentley got it. Is it God's Will to test me ? I just wanted my cats to live a long , happy and healthy life , that's all.

I have people telling me it's just a cat.

Just get another cat.

He was only with you for 3 months , it wasn't that long !!

It's true that it's not long.

I know that it probably hurt even more for those who had their pets for 15 years or more.

I'm just sad that why he has to be taken away from me so soon.

To have a disease that can't be cured even if I have money I couldn't help him.

In his last two months , his health slowly deteriorate : from the fluffy round face that I loved so much to a skinny boy with stomach that gets bigger and bigger everyday. He could no longer do the things he love , like going upstairs to sleep on my bed with me. He couldn't play his favorite toys because he has no energy and also can't eat his favorite food even if he wanted to.

My vet has really long waiting time. Sometimes I waited for 4 hours to see my vet because they have a lot of patients. Every time I go there I would cry while waiting because I feel sorry for my boy , he is so sick and I just couldn't hold back my tears thinking one day he would be gone.

There was a time when the vet says that he only had a week more to live based on his condition , that I need to be prepared for that day to come. He also told me that I probably should consider euthanasia ( putting him to sleep with injection ) if he suffers too much. 

I was really selfish.

I asked the vet how do I know if it's time ? Time to put his suffering to an end.

My vet says , " You will know. He is your cat, you will know if it's time to make that decision. Don't let him suffer . "

I told myself ,if one day he stopped looking for me for affection , I would let him go.

Till the very last day , he still came to me for affection. I even slept on the floor for his last two weeks just so he could see me , at least he wasn't alone at night.

In the end , I didn't choose euthanasia.

I read countless forums / blogs of pet owners , looking for opinions on euthanasia vs natural death. I just didn't want my Bentley to go on a cold table in a vet's office. I'm afraid to end his life too early , maybe he would have wanted to live longer ? I don't know. Times like this I wish that pets could talk. So that he can tell me , is he tired of fighting already ?

My vet told me that I did a great job in keeping him alive for so long.

Normal cats would have died within weeks to a month.

Bentley had a good 2 months at least , he said.

I even tried contacting a Pet Whisperer. ( someone who can talk to pets )

Unfortunately she didn't reply me when she asked me if I could type in Chinese . ( which I couldn't , I mean I can only speak not read or write.)

I was that desperate to find answers for my Bentley.

At that moment , I really wanted to know if he still wants to live or not.

On Sept 22 , Bentley passed at 3.30 am. 

I cried so much , but relieved that he was no longer in pain. Though I tried my best not to cry in front of him since the day he was diagnosed , I failed.  How much I wanted to be strong for him I couldn't and I'm sorry for burdening him with my negative feelings. 

I love you so much , my dear Bentley.

Hopefully one day when my time comes , we would be reunited again.

Please don't forget your crybaby owner.

Bentley didn't live a long life , but I've never regretted having him in my life.

At least we had a short , good time together.

It's a month after he passed , sometimes when I look at his photos I would cry like a little shit. I still tear up thinking about him , watching videos of him and reminiscing our happy moments.

I am thankful for all the support that I got in these few months , whether during events or online. Attending events takes my mind of things , and when I am busy I don't think so much about my sadness.  I could get through this difficult time because of your loving support. Special thanks to my Destiny 2 family and for those who watched my gaming streams ,you guys helped me lots ! 

Thank you my friends who sent me messages of encouragement.
I'm really grateful.

Bentley.

I'm sorry that I didn't have time to mourn for you.

Today , I finally have the time to cry for you one last time while writing this down.

I really wished that we could have more time together , I hope that I can see you have kittens and we could live long happy years together with BabyG .

I miss your fluffy cheeks , your purr , your warmth and your smell.

Thank you for being a good cat.

I'm so lucky to have you and I Love You Deep Deep.

Please watch over me and BabyG ,

I will do my best from this day onwards !!

Love,

Crybaby Mummy 

PENANG ANIME MATSURI 2017

I just got back from Penang Anime Matsuri 2017 !!!!

This is my 3rd year being a part of the guest cosplayer line up ~ thank you so much for your continuous support that I'm able to travel here and meet you all ! I'm having a lot of feels for this event because I had an amazzzinnngggg time . Let me tell you why !

Instead of taking my flight , I had a road trip instead . The reason being 1. I have my Saber Sword , 2. I have my big Tohru Tail , and 3. I brought my PS4 !! ( I'll tell you why later in this blog post hahahahahahahah ) . 

Usually for events , I'll not bring cosplays with too many props or big parts of costume due to luggage limit. It'll be difficult dealing with oversize luggage and overweight in the airport. Penang is only 4 hours ++ drive from Kuala Lumpur ( where I stay ) so why not ? 

For Penang Anime Matsuri 2017 , I made a new costume : Saber Lily from Fate Grand Order ! I like this costume design a lot ~ I bought the fabric months ago with Saber Lily in mind but my initial plan was Saber Nero. Unfortunately the lace I ordered got lost in mail and my Saber Nero Sword broke during shipping ! I'll still work on Nero for next event though !

To be honest I'm a little insecure with this costume because it's a ponytail wig which means no hair to cover my shoulders and my arms are flabby lol. On the event day I woke up at 6.30 am to do some arm workout , hopefully I won't look too bad. * fingers crossed *

I haven't been working out at all in June , with all the birthday celebrations and all . JULY IS THE MONTH I SHALL BE REBORN. 

My only schedule for Day 1 is Photo-taking at Canon Booth !

I'm loving the Canon Booth for this year because the photos turn out really nice for everyone ! The lighting is so good , I'm a Happy Saber Lily ! Thank you all who came to have pictures with me ~ I hope that you'll love the photos as much as I do !

Cosplay Singles Showdown !

Miss Mercy here won the 3rd place this year !

I'm so happy for her because I see her every year and her cosplays have improved lots this year. Her Mercy is gorgeous !

Congratulations Yukiko !

Day 2 as Tohru from Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid.

Pros of this costume is that I love it lots because of the fabric and laces and the con is I look super big in it HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Like a huge draaaagooooooon !!

This is one of the rare anime that makes me want to cosplay every character !

My Day 2 Schedule is packed because I have a Cosplay Workshop , a Stage Appearance and two Autograph Sessions . Love being busy , I get to go out more often and meet more people !!!

( actually I love taking selfies with people a lot hahahahahaha )

My cosplay merchandises sold out during the event !

All the cosplays featured in the merchandise are made by me , so I'm really happy that you guys like it and support my work. Thank you all for your loving support and patience in queuing for both my photo and autograph session. Lots of you come from KL , Johor , Melaka , Sarawak , Singapore and of course all the lovely Penang people ! Thank you so much for making time to meet me !

TA-DA !!

My Cosplay Workshop for this year is Playing Games with The Audience !!!!!!!!!

I prepared some gifts for those who plays with me on stage . I only prepared 4 gifts though , didn't expect that I'll be rekt so fast till I have to play 7 games noooooooo !!!

This is why I brought my PS4 all the way from KL.

I wanted to play Tekken 7 with the audience instead of my regular workshops. I think that it's more enjoyable this way and I loveeeeee playing games despite being so bad in it ! Out of 7 games , I only won 3 because I'm lucky. All the players are so good , much better than me.

I don't mind losing because I had so much fun !!!

I was screaming and probably my facial expressions is like a troll but gosh , THIS IS MY BEST PENANG ANIME MATSURI EVER.

To those who played with me , I hope that you had fun ok ?!

Of course behind every happy cosplay guest is a great assistant !

Kosmo here is my assistant again for this year ~ who takes good care of me !

He is the only helper in history that is taller than me by the way .

To my boys who are always so supportive of me. 

It was fun hanging out with you all after event. They are all from different cities , but they can be good friends and gather during events , helping each other and having fun. * give you 10 thumbs up *

Btw , this ARANG CAFE is so good. It's always packed with people and the menu are sold out sometimes. I still didn't get to eat the croissant that I wanted to eat lol. Maybe next trip !!

This concludes my Penang Anime Matsuri Trip !

I'm one haaaaapppppy girl.

Thank you Penang !!!!

Love,

YingTze

APRIL

Since my last blog post , I've been to two more events overseas and back.

That was really tiring for me because it's two events back to back and I'm only home for a few days in between. Of course my beloved cat , BabyG is acting cold towards me because she haven't seen me for awhile. It's really hard winning her heart back again !

I took two weeks of break on cosplay and costume making , focusing on finishing my new photobook , " TamamoCat Only PhotoBook ." It's been awhile since I produced a new book because it's hard to squeeze in time for photo shoot with my hectic schedule. Thank God for my photographer , he is quite flexible with his time. For that I'm really grateful.

There are lots of other projects that I would like to work on and heaps of costumes waiting for a proper photo shoot. My next project would probably be a school girl cosplay. I love this anime very much , hopefully I'm able to work on a photobook for it soon. It will be so much fun ! I'm looking forward to it !

For now , I'm really addicted to a game called " Persona 5 ". I'm 24 hours into the game and it's nowhere near to completion. It's just so good that I kept playing it and time passed by so quickly that I go , " ehhhhh ? It's 2 am already ?! "  

Honestly , my time management is so bad nowadays. I'm thinking how can I balance between cosplay , costume making and playing games ? It's so difficult. I'm making plans for Persona 5 cosplay as I play the game. It would be nice if I'm able to have a full team for this. Like people who are really into this game. Most probably it would be tough because I'm too tall and I want to be the girl character hahahaha !

Anyways , I'm going for a holiday till this Sunday. I haven't been traveling for leisure for awhile ( it's always for work ) so I'm looking forward towards my relaxation week. 

Have a nice day everyone.

I've missed talking to you all like this !!

With Love,

YingTze

KURATE GAKUEN COSPLAY GATHERING IN SINGAPORE !

( HELLO IT'S ME DOING SUPER TOURISTY THINGS IN SINGAPORE )

* coughs *

I made a goal this year that I would blog at least once a week . To pen down my thoughts when it's still fresh in my mind. I do lots of things all year long and my memories isn't good to remember it all , so I guess this is a good way to keep track of my happy memories !

This year would be my 5th year since I was blessed with the chance to travel around the world as a cosplay guest. To be honest , when I started cosplaying , I would have never imagined that I could be doing it this long , and constantly be given opportunities to do something that I love so much. I have many stories to tell but I guess it's not time to do that yet.

I was in Singapore last weekend for Kurate Gakuen's Event , a Cosplay Gathering in SCAPE . I had an extra free day so I went around Orchard Road to shop for cosmetic products and search for my beloved Mos Burger.

During my stay in Singapore I had 4 meals of Mos Burger and about 2-3 cups of GongCha with Pearls. People ask me why do I like Mos Burger so much ? It's because Malaysia don't have it hahahahahahahaha !

I'm a simple girl. I like my rice burgers and milk tea , that's all.

With my little free time , I went to shop around Orchard Road. 

Usually I won't spend any money in Singapore because the exchange rate for the currency is kinda sad. However , this time I made an exception !

The Etude House in Singapore has a good vibe to it and somehow the pretty interior design and product packaging makes you want to buy everything. I think girls are often attracted to pretty packaging. I got myself a eyeshadow base , a concealer for dark circles /laughter lines and the magical highlighter powder !

As a cosplayer , I am always looking for new make up products and trying out stuff that would make my cosplay make up better. Some products works and some doesn't but oh well ~ it is part of learning . ( lesson to my crying wallet lol )

On Saturday Night , I had a photoshoot with the Kurate Gakuen Team from Japan !
The location is one of Singapore's Famous Landmark : The Gardens by The Bay. It's my first time having a photo shoot here. I was feeling kinda shy because there were many tourists . Though I've been cosplaying for a long time ,  I still feel shy whenever I'm having a shoot outdoors. 

I'm extremely shy when people look at me hahahaha !
People was like , " Are you sure ? How can you be a cosplayer if you are shy ?! )
This is something I can never explain !

With DD Tenka !

From the first time we met few years back till now , she never aged a day !

I wonder what's her secret ? She cosplays beautiful female characters and handsome male characters ! I'm a little jealous !

With Kuro-san from Kurate Gakuen Team !

He is my photographer for the night and it's really nice meeting him again. He is a great photographer but as usual , I'm still shy when I'm working with someone that I just met. It will take maybe 5-6 photo session together before I feel really comfortable hahahaha !

This time we took photos in the Flower Dome.

It's my first time here , now they are having Sakura Trees inside because it's Spring Season.

It's not fully bloomed yet but still really beautiful.

Nozomi's Sweet Devil.

I think I'm doing a little better this time.

Not as nervous , I want to be better so Kuro-san can have nicer photos !

Team Kurate Gakuen !

It's an interesting experience taking photos in a place filled with tourists. Somehow it trains me to pretend that there's nobody around. hahahahahahahaha ! 

I'll be like , " Relax and pose nobody is here !! Only me and my photographer ! "

On event day , I debuted my new ALO Asuna cosplay !

I made this earlier that week and the wings in one hour before my flight.

It's been awhile since my last Asuna cosplay . Previously people keep telling me that I'm more of a Leafa than Asuna , that I should just cosplay Leafa instead.

Things like this , sometimes I do take it to heart. I want to make better cosplays , cosplays that are believable. But as I grow older , I realized that you should always cosplay anything that you like. After all cosplay is much more fun if you are happy and passionate about it. Do something that you have 100 % passion in and give it your all !

This is a small event but small events like these have its own charm.

I feel closer to the people that came to see and support me. I get to talk more to them and I get to take photos with everyone without much time limit. 

Though it's just a one day event , many people came and I'm really surprised.

I had a talk about my Kurate Gakuen Trip and I'm glad to be able to share about my experiences , interacting with all the people who came for this event.

I get to reunite with the other Kurate Gakuen Ambassadors !

Nana Pink and Hitonari from Japan plus Maoru , Niri and Kiyo from Singapore !

Everyone is so cute and on point . They inspire me to want to have better cosplays !

With my bae , DDTenka.

His Yurio is so cute !!!

My Favorite Ship , Kiyo as Shimakaze !

( SHE IS SO SEXY I'M HOLDING MY NOSEBLEED IN ?! )

It was raining quite heavily that weekend so we couldn't go far for another photo session.

So we took some photos outside the event area. It's a nice place , with lots of greens as background. I love greens by the way . ( in my photos XD )

I love this photo by Kuro-san.

Can't wait to make more ALO Asuna costumes ! 

This is also my first Cosplay Event of 2017. 

I'm glad to kick off this year with such a wonderful event. 

If you guys are reading this , thank you so much for attending this event and I'm so grateful to see each and everyone of you ! Thanks for making my day !

Thank you for all the lovely gifts and letters as well.

This is my energy source to do my best this year !!!!!

( your handwritten letters and your messages I will keep it close to my heart )

My event schedules will be more hectic starting from March.

To all the places that I'll be visiting next , I'm looking forward to see you all ok ?!

With Love,

YingTze